This should be the motto for myself and my family. We are a highly anxious set of people, and the smallest things spell doomsday and signify disaster. Child out of sight? Probably fell down a well. Not feeling well? Could be your appendix bursting. Forget to lock one of the locks on the front door? Thieves will back their vans up to your front door and rid you of all your earthly possessions. For years Danny has made fun of my for my PANIC! reflex, as he is the most laid back person on the planet who is not stoned. However, I have recently decided that I have managed to infect him with the PANIC! gene. My proof:
Danny, spying an empty milk carton on the counter: MIA! YOU DIDN'T DRINK THIS MILK DID YOU?
Me: No, it's expired so I dumped it in the sink.
Danny: IT'S EXPIRED! It expired a MONTH ago!!
Me: I just said that.
Danny: You didn't use it in the BATTER did you?
Me: No! It's expired and anyway you don't put milk in chocolate chip cookie dough!
Danny: Because it's EXPIRED! It'll make you DIE!
And, our phone conversation this morning after I had an "incident" with the motorized gate he installed at the front of our driveway.
Me: The gate hit my car and now the gate mechanism is making an annoying beeping noise. How do I make the beeping stop?
Danny: The GATE HIT YOUR CAR?!
Me: Yes, it's fine. Make the beeping stop.
Danny: Is the paint scratched?!
Me: NO. THE CAR IS FINE. MAKE THE BEEPING STOP!!
Danny: Can you move the car so the paint doesn't get scratched?!
Me: I have already moved the car. The car is fine. Make the effing beeping stop before I run the car into the gate again!
Danny: Is there a DENT in the car?!
Me: Danny. The car. Is fine. How do I make the gate stop beeping?
Danny: Oh, I don't know.
On the one hand I am pleased that I am not the only one susceptible to the PANIC! in our household, but on the other I am begining to discover how annoying it is to live with me.